Led by the Spirit, Part 1

One of the most important things I've learned lately is that God is looking out for me.

I don't just mean the general things - that God has blessed me with a good upbringing, with gifts and talents, with a stable family. He has done all of those things, but I'm talking about something specific: tangible occurances and feelings that are direct answers to my needs and prayers. I hadn't been open to receiving these kinds of special deliveries from God before, so it's really been amazing to experience.

The first sign of this was the act of finding Two Rivers Church, of having this spiritual awakening that began all of this. When I moved to Arizona, I was still somewhat disillusioned with church; I had come from a background that was not very spiritual or worshipful, where everyone seemed to go through the motions and trudge through the ancient hymns and if they actually had faith they showed it in other areas, through their expressions of belief and selfless actions outside of church, but the service itself was still just a thing to get through, an obligation to be met. This was all I knew.

Despite this, I still planned to find a church at some point after moving here (due to the aforementioned obligation). I procrastinated for awhile, but what finally got me moving was the fact that my parents were coming out to visit over Easter and I realized it would be pretty embarrassing if I had no idea where to go for Easter Sunday. So, a couple weeks before Easter I googled churches in the area. Two Rivers was one of the first ones that came up; they seemed mostly non-denominational, were open to accepting people for who they are, had modern praise music. All of that seemed cool, and a good place to start. Plus, it was literally right around the corner from my apartment.

That first Sunday, I showed up in the middle of the service - they were still advertising 10 AM on their door, but had recently switched to 9 and 11 services. I didn't realize this right away, because they were on a brief break between the worship/music part and the sermon, and everyone was standing around talking and having coffee. Someone handed me a bulletin, one guy said hi to me, and then i slunk in and sat by myself. I expected it to be a pretty typical church experience; maybe a better sermon, hopefully some more upbeat songs, but typical nonetheless.

It wasn't, though. The sermon was better, and the pastor was engaging and down to earth. I noticed a number of people my age in the congregation, and the prospect of actually meeting people here and finding new friends that were outside of my work environment started to emerge in my mind. I saw a girl sitting up front and, for some reason, just knew that she was probably the pastor's daughter. There were some other people in their twenties across the room, but none on my side.

After the sermon, I felt really good. It was good to get back to church again, good to hear a message about God after being apart from any group of believers for so long. I was still a bit confused about the structure of the service because I had inadvertently come for the second half, but I was already feeling like this would be someplace I'd come back to, at the very least a good place to spend Easter morning. I don't usually bother to reach out to people and initiate conversations in situations like that, but I felt compelled to stick around and introduce myself to the pastor. I don't know what I expected from it, but I knew I shouldn't just quietly go home. All of a sudden, I needed some kind of connection.

I waited around for him to become available. I found out that his name was Tom; I said hi, he shook my hand, asked my name, etc., and before I knew it he was inviting me back to his house for lunch and a bible study with other people my age (18-30, they called it College and Career). I said yes without hesitation, and without really knowing why I was feeling so agreeable. Shortly after, Leslea (the girl from the front, who was in fact the pastor's daughter) approached me to say hi as well. She also mentioned the lunch/bible study, and when she discovered I had already promised to come she excitedly left to write down directions to their house for me. While I waited, several other people spoke to me, all very friendly and genuine. One of them was Emily, who was around my age and one of the worship leaders. When Leslea came back with the directions, I asked about the rest of the service; she and Emily realized my confusion and (after Les scolded her father for not changing the time on the door) explained that I had missed the songs in the first service but should stay for the second one, which was about to start. So I did.

I was blown away by the music and style of worship. First of all, the songs were truly modern. My experience with "contemporary" Christian music was limited to decent but dated songs from our praise team in Baltimore written in the 70s or earlier. The execution of the music was also shockingly good. All of the musicians were flat-out awesome, including Emily (who led the vocals and played guitar) and Leslea (who played keyboards in such a more interesting and musical way than I was accustomed to from past experiences that I almost stopped paying attention to the rest of the song). Beyond that, though, the worship was so...real. People were not just singing the words -  they were praising God. Some were dancing. Kids were running around with flags. It was not what I was used to, but that was great, because it was the antithesis of everything that frustrated me about church in the past. I mostly just took it all in and didn't sing much, but I could feel my heart opening up, a spiritual and emotional block lifting to allow me to accept all of it. I loved the lack of liturgy, the lack of overly scripted, empty prayer, replaced by genuine words and open worship of God.

After worship, I went out into the hallway and met some more people (including the pastor's other daughter, Stacey), and talked with Emily for a little while. I decided to go ahead and leave, since I had experienced a full service, albeit out of order. On my way out I met one of the youth pastors, who was also eager to introduce himself to me and invited me again to the College and Career lunch (probably the 6th or 7th person to do so).

This post is getting really long, and way off topic....I have a lot more to say just about this first day, and about my initial point regarding the active role God has taken in my life, so I'll follow up with more posts this week. I want to mention a few more things about that morning, though.

1. That memory is special to me on a personal level because that was the morning I met Leslea and Emily. Both of them have since become not only close friends, but two of the best friends I've ever had. They've had a tremendous impact on my life. That day, Les was extremely bubbly, outgoing, and eager to make sure I felt welcome in their group. I soon found out that she was always like this, but it still really helped me feel comfortable. Emily was more reserved, but also very interested in getting to know me and encouraged me to come to the lunch and to continue to hang out with them that day. Both of them were instrumental in connecting me to God in a new way, offering an invitation to be part of something that I did not expect at all, something I didn't even know I needed until it suddenly became available - a group of peers that truly lived for Jesus, and were completely open about it. I'll talk more about that in a later post.

2. One thing that stuck out to me about that morning was how easy it was for me to accept it all. I hadn't been to church in awhile anyway, but this was something that was so different from what I was used to, and even though I wanted a change from my conservative background, I expected a part of me to put up more of a fight, to think, "oh, well I'm not so sure I agree with that," or "I don't know if that's really okay to do in the middle of church." God led me to Two Rivers, there's no doubt about that. It was exactly what I needed, for so many reasons. But He didn't just leave me there to fend for myself, to fight past years of restraint and disconnection and poor spiritual examples. He opened my heart and my mind and gave me a fighting chance to not only accept but embrace this new way of worshiping God (which is really the old way, dating back to both the Old and New Testaments). He led me to the door, turned the knob, opened it, and gently nudged me forward, and I needed that, I needed everything He did for me that day and the weeks and months afterwards, and I am so grateful for His guidance, for His attention to my life, for His boundless love.

I have many more thoughts on this subject, so I'll post again soon...